I just asked my husband what my eldest daughter's bedtime was like before we had the baby. I think it was usually pretty easygoing, and a nice time of the day. She would have a bath most nights, then bedtime with reading, singing and lots of cuddles.
I'm reflecting today that lots of my friends seem to have trouble with sleeping for both children after their second child is born. I wonder if it is a more stressful time? My non-parent friends suspect I don't do a lot all day, but I would rather go to work on a hectic day than do the dinner-bath-bed marathon with two preschoolers. Dinner starts around 4.30pm. I discovered that my older daughter can get just too tired to eat, and the earlier she eats the more likely it is that she will eat well. When the baby was just starting solids I would have to hand feed her (up to thirty minutes) as well as a thirty minute breastfeed. My oldest needed supervision and sometimes cajoling. Until the girls were safe to bath together I would either alternate nights or shower them in the mornings. Depending on creche activities sometimes my daughter would absolutely need bathing. Then bedtime. I've never bothered with pyjamas for young babies but there is a nappy change, breastfeed, burp and tuck up in bed. My oldest daughter would typically watch TV while I did this. Then thirty minutes of reading, changing, teeth & toilet, heaps of questions then off to sleep. I would then collapse around 7.30, feeling as though I had been beaten with a stick.
That was a good day too. There would be night wake ups, or trouble getting to sleep. Sometimes I would be holding a screaming baby or breastfeeding while putting the eldest to bed (and she would be annoyed because she would have her guaranteed attention time interrupted).
I like to tell people how hard it is, because it is hard, rough and there are a lot of tears before, during and after bedtime. It gets easier, but it takes a long time. It isn't surprising that there are sleep problems during this time, I suspect that it is the norm.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Playing together
The girls are playing shops together this morning. This involves the baby pulling all the tissues out of the tissue box and my elder daughter using hair ties as currency. I'm not really sure what the rules are!
I don't really get along with my younger sister, although when we were young we seemed to play together OK. It is my strongest wish that these two are life long friends.
I don't really get along with my younger sister, although when we were young we seemed to play together OK. It is my strongest wish that these two are life long friends.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tired cleaning
When I am very, very tired I clean. Under the surface. Three months after the baby was born we had some very tidy and well organised cupboards. There are actually labels in our linen cupboard.
Sadly for the house I haven't been moved to do this since! I must be getting more sleep.
Sadly for the house I haven't been moved to do this since! I must be getting more sleep.
Cleaning
When my first daughter was 14 weeks old a friend dropped by to visit. She found an impecible house, dinner already made and me out gardening wearing an apron and gloves.
I think that she was worried.
I was quite bored. I'd feed the baby, put on the washing, do the dishes then put her down for her morning nap. While napping I'd exercise, shower then prepare dinner. I'd nap in the afternoon, my husband would come home and then it would all start again the following day.
It is so different with two. The morning trip to creche can be a thirty minute round trip (going well). There is a lot more washing and dishes to do. The house is no longer tidy as we have a four year old! The baby does not sleep half as well as her big sister did. The day is a lot busier, with a lot less time to maintain the house.
I've had to let go a little bit. A lot actually. If things are hygienic I'm mostly happy. I still cringe when visitors drop by and see crap everywhere. But it is a reality of parenthood and there isn't much I can do about it. When I can't stand looking at a sea of toys I find that it is time to get out the pram and take the kids for a walk.
I think that she was worried.
I was quite bored. I'd feed the baby, put on the washing, do the dishes then put her down for her morning nap. While napping I'd exercise, shower then prepare dinner. I'd nap in the afternoon, my husband would come home and then it would all start again the following day.
It is so different with two. The morning trip to creche can be a thirty minute round trip (going well). There is a lot more washing and dishes to do. The house is no longer tidy as we have a four year old! The baby does not sleep half as well as her big sister did. The day is a lot busier, with a lot less time to maintain the house.
I've had to let go a little bit. A lot actually. If things are hygienic I'm mostly happy. I still cringe when visitors drop by and see crap everywhere. But it is a reality of parenthood and there isn't much I can do about it. When I can't stand looking at a sea of toys I find that it is time to get out the pram and take the kids for a walk.
Dinner - the biggest challenge for the stay at home parent of two!
My Mum gave me some great advice. It went like this:
'The day will not get any better. Cook dinner after breakfast while the baby is napping. You then have all day to tidy up.' It was the best bit of advice I received, hands down.
I make meals when I have the energy then freeze them/ pop them in the fridge. Surprisingly, Sunday nights can be my high energy point of the week, and it is not uncommon for me to make three meals all at once.
'The day will not get any better. Cook dinner after breakfast while the baby is napping. You then have all day to tidy up.' It was the best bit of advice I received, hands down.
I make meals when I have the energy then freeze them/ pop them in the fridge. Surprisingly, Sunday nights can be my high energy point of the week, and it is not uncommon for me to make three meals all at once.
Routine
Before number two we had a fairly good routine - it all revolved around number one. Our daughter started day care about eight months before our second daughter was born - she went three times a week and really enjoyed it. On home days we would fill in the time with library/park/zoo trips and on creche days we would come home and ease into dinner time/bath time/bed time.
After my caesaraen my husband wasn't able to take much time off work. So my eldest daughter was bumped up to full time creche. She didn't mind, and frankly, she was having a better time there than being at home.
It was so hard. I would go back to sleep after the morning feed and my husband took our daughter to creche. In the afternoon pick up would be whenever the baby had been fed. One afternoon I fell asleep and woke up 15mins before the creche closed - I called my husband in a panic and he was able to go and pick her up. I felt awful.
It took much longer to recover from the operation than I thought. It probably took at least three months before I could push the baby in the pram without having to stop for a rest. I had visions of walking both girls down to creche in the pram - by the time that I was up to do this my eldest daughter was outgrowing the pram.
It took ages to get back into a routine. It probably took until the baby was about eight months old, and had dropped her late afternoon sleep before it started coming together again. It can still fall to bits, but not as often as it used to.
I confess that my eldest daughter had a McDonald's Happy Meal about once a week for about five months. Some days it was just easier to get her dinner through a drive through on the way home rather than pull something together. I learnt that I needed to have a meal prepared prior to the creche pick up or else dinner wouldn't come together.
Bathtime was horrid. I didn't think that it was safe to bathe both babies together until the baby was sitting well. My oldest daughter is very gentle and considerate, but still a four year old who finds it hard to sit still. The longest that they went without a bath was five days. (I should perhaps explain that my husband rarely gets home until after bedtime). We learnt to quickly shower them in the morning while sneaking in a shower for ourselves!
Now the girls have dinner at the same time, can share a bath and their bedtimes are nearly identical. It is starting to get easier - thirteen months along!!!
After my caesaraen my husband wasn't able to take much time off work. So my eldest daughter was bumped up to full time creche. She didn't mind, and frankly, she was having a better time there than being at home.
It was so hard. I would go back to sleep after the morning feed and my husband took our daughter to creche. In the afternoon pick up would be whenever the baby had been fed. One afternoon I fell asleep and woke up 15mins before the creche closed - I called my husband in a panic and he was able to go and pick her up. I felt awful.
It took much longer to recover from the operation than I thought. It probably took at least three months before I could push the baby in the pram without having to stop for a rest. I had visions of walking both girls down to creche in the pram - by the time that I was up to do this my eldest daughter was outgrowing the pram.
It took ages to get back into a routine. It probably took until the baby was about eight months old, and had dropped her late afternoon sleep before it started coming together again. It can still fall to bits, but not as often as it used to.
I confess that my eldest daughter had a McDonald's Happy Meal about once a week for about five months. Some days it was just easier to get her dinner through a drive through on the way home rather than pull something together. I learnt that I needed to have a meal prepared prior to the creche pick up or else dinner wouldn't come together.
Bathtime was horrid. I didn't think that it was safe to bathe both babies together until the baby was sitting well. My oldest daughter is very gentle and considerate, but still a four year old who finds it hard to sit still. The longest that they went without a bath was five days. (I should perhaps explain that my husband rarely gets home until after bedtime). We learnt to quickly shower them in the morning while sneaking in a shower for ourselves!
Now the girls have dinner at the same time, can share a bath and their bedtimes are nearly identical. It is starting to get easier - thirteen months along!!!
Doing it all wrong but it all worked out anyway
The whole birth story is for another time, but basically I was fairly woozy on the pain drugs after a caesaraen. I was still in recovery seven hours after the birth and felt very floaty. My husband had gone to pick up our daughter from creche. This didn't register in the way that I had planned - my plan was to come home from Delivery Suite a couple of hours after birth and be all prepared with the 'gift from the baby.' My eldest daughter came stomping into recovery in her gumboots and 'big sister crown.' I was holding the baby and hooked up to a couple of monitors. My daughter rushed to see the baby's face, and had a lovely cuddle. She was so proud to be a big sister, and declared that the small baby was just the right size for her. She gave the baby a little kiss, declared her to be cute and we felt sure that it was going to be OK.
In one sense it was a good first meeting. It was short and sweet as it was just before dinner time and by the time of my next visit the following day I was making more sense and was more mobile. It was a great opportunity to learn that for three year olds, everything was about them. It was their baby, their baby's presents etc etc.
In one sense it was a good first meeting. It was short and sweet as it was just before dinner time and by the time of my next visit the following day I was making more sense and was more mobile. It was a great opportunity to learn that for three year olds, everything was about them. It was their baby, their baby's presents etc etc.
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